Yesterday was National Coming Out Day and I felt paralyzed. With the shock&awe attack coming from the White House since January, I feel that way quite often.
All day long, I wrestled with this. I know, at the age of 68, I’ve struggled my WHOLE life with hate, discrimination, second-class citizenship, and despair. But once you’re out, you’re out and there’s no going back into the closet.
I fought for my marital rights. In 2004, my (now) wife and I drove from Minnesota to California, and stayed in line for two days to get legally married, if only in San Francisco, if only for a few days. (Read Call Me Quixote for my memoir of that revolutionary experience.) Now, my love of 25 years and I are legally married across the United States – but for how much longer? They’ve ‘dissolved’ our marriage before, they can do it again.
So, I hesitate to encourage anyone from coming out at this moment – the vitriol and violence is SO high, and I don’t want anyone already struggling with their identity to have so much else to guard against. It’s terrifying to share this side of yourself with loved ones who have no clue. Reactions vary, as most of us already know. Even (maybe especially) families are not safe.
Times have NEVER been this dangerous for young transgendered and/or gay/Sapphic folks, and I don’t want someone to come out only to become another Matthew Shepherd. Attacks are on the rise, demented souls are free to carry loaded weapons, and many who fall in lock step with the current administration are easily swayed to the side of violence.
I’m afraid for me and mine. Terrified, really. How can I, in good conscience, encourage someone else to become a vulnerable target right now?
